Washington, D.C. – A trend that has been noted in recent months has several well known economist scratching their heads. Donut sales hit a 20 year record low just days before a report conducted by the U.S. Census Bureau determined that the younger generation of police officers simply don’t eat as many donuts as their older predecessors.
“These guys would use to come in here right after shift change and you just couldn’t cook enough jelly donuts.” Says Edward Johnson, CEO of D&C Donuts. “Its like even though we give them free coffee now, the place is still a ghost town.”
Johnson as confirmed that his company is working on regaining their customer base, developing menu items that will appeal to the younger police officers. He tells us that select markets have been chosen to participate in beta tests that have included menu items such as Gluten Free Muffins and Iced Soy Mocha Latte’ Joes. The tests have had lots of positive feedback. One metro area police officer Tweeted “The new menu is delicious and his name wasn’t misspelled on his order like the other place normally does.” Johnson was unable to confirm if or when the new menu items would be available in all locations.
According to one recent prediction from the Bearclaw University, if this trend continues nationwide, donut shops everywhere could be facing serious economic trouble by the year 2020.
Editor’s note: This article was published on April 1st, 2017, and if you haven’t figured out yet, is a satire piece. It would never take a new menu to keep police officers in D&C Donut Shops (even though it’s a made up place). We at SConFire.com salute all members of the First Responder community, and proudly stand behind our brothers in blue, and we have even been known to enjoy a dozen or so fresh baked donuts at various staff meetings. If you liked this story, check out or piece from last year where the video game “Grand Theft Auto” was named the reason children polled thought police cars were cooler than firetrucks.